Here are the three things that I can come up with:

1) It’s in first person.

And it’s not very good first person. I have been very upfront about how much I don’t care for first person, generally. It has to be done incredibly well for me to actually feel comfortable reading that close of a POV.

I thought that the first few pages of Hunger Games read very rough, that the author hadn’t quite found her first person feet and it really felt like it needed a second, or third polish. At least to my sensitive first person palate.

2) She wanted to kill the cat.

Look, kill as many people as you want but leave the cat alone. I’m not kidding, As an author, you can kill the entire planet all in one swoop or one by one, Punisher style, but if you want me to like your character, the pets need to be left alone.

I get what she’s trying to do with the whole “I wanted to kill the cat” bit. It’s supposed to be a sign that the world is really tough, that times are awful, and that food is so scarce that the main character would be worried about feeding this additional mouth.

I don’t care. She wanted to kill the cat, game over. No, really. That was enough for me, I was done.

3) I’m just contrary.

I will admit it. I will, occasionally, NOT like something because everyone else likes it. I’ve been accused of that regarding Twilight, but I can honestly say that I’ve read the first book and thought it was shit. I hate Twilight.

Hunger Games, I haven’t really decided yet. I did not like the first few pages that I read and thus, I stopped. I have based my opinion on those pages from that point forward. I have been told by other readers that the first few pages are a bit rough, and that I just need to get past them.

I have also been told this regarding Doctor Who and David Tennant. I shouldn’t have to watch more than a season to get to like the new Doctor, that’s just stupid (I did love me some Christopher Eccleston, good lord did I love him). However, for a book that actually makes sense. It does take a few pages to set up the world and the characters, and to get the plot rolling.

However, it is a problem if the first page has rough writing and contains an element that makes certain readers (re: me) instantly dislike your main character. Maybe not the best way to get that ball rolling.

I will admit that I am more interested in reading the book now that the movie trailer has come out. I love Jennifer Lawrence. She was amazing in Winter’s Bone and X-Men First Class. She has this bad ass nature about her, an amazing figure, and this husky, sexy voice that just really works for me. When I saw her in the trailer, she looked hard core and I did find myself wanting to know more about her character and the world that she finds herself in.

I normally get all upset with people over stuff like that. You know, the only wanting to read something because it’s a movie kind of thing.  I did that when P.S. I Love You came out and I discovered that while I liked the movie just fine (and cried my way through it) I really, really disliked the book. That one also has a horrible first person POV, unbelievable character set up, and a contrived plot that made no sense.

I can see why Hunger Games was sold- the whole post-apocalyptic story line, which is hot now, and the kick ass female lead, which we’re always looking for as both readers/consumers of stories and as producers. I’m just not sure it’s the story for me.

I will confess that I did buy a kindle copy of the book with my annual Christmas amazon.com gift card. It was less than $5, so I thought it would be okay even if I made it to page ten and still hated the damn thing.

I still have not read the book.

I will report back if I ever make to chapter 2.

(To be continued…)

It’s not just about themes or settings or even setups. I am not a fan of adultery in stories and so I avoid stories where that is a major element. That’s pretty easy and most people have those things, which in circles I run in are referred to as bullets. For example, adultery is my bullet that will kill any interest I have in reading a story or watching a movie/TV show.

What we were talking about is more about the little choices that a writer or production team makes. To make this even easier, I’m going to focus on writing. One of the major things that will a story for me is poor grammar and word usage. This usually only matters with fannish type stuff or self-published work. This applies to people who use the wrong “to/too/two” or “their/there/they’re”- that kind of thing.

This is the kind of mistake that a good editor or a good beta reader should be able to catch. When I see this stuff, it screams “unprofessional” to me. Even if the work is a known unprofessional piece, say like fanfic or something of that nature, running into these issues just tells me that you, as the writer, were too impatient to find a beta reader and just wanted to post and get comments, so you put something up that isn’t as quality as it could be or should be.

Moral of this story? Get a beta reader and/or get an editor (esp. if you intend to get this work professional published or you want to self-pub) and get rid of all these little, stupid mistakes. It’s worth the time and the money. You want people to remember you for you great plot and fun characters, not because you consistently used the wrong “its/it’s.”

The second thing that will get me to stop reading occurs in the character description. I hate, hate, HATE it when two characters are described in the following way: “The older man turned to look at the younger man.” Or, “The blond looked over at the brunette and smiled.” That’s not WRONG, per se, but it screams inexperience. It tells me that you don’t really know how to deal with multiple characters in a scene that might require the same pronouns.
Let’s say that you are writing a romance novel, featuring a man and a woman. You can use “she” and “he” throughout the book, especially in the scenes that they are in together, and that makes it very easy to differentiate between the characters when you aren’t using their names.

Now let’s say that you are writing a story that has multiple characters of the same sex that end up together in various scenes. Using “she” and “she” or “he” and “he” can get confusing to the reader. I can understand why someone would want to find different elements to use as differentiating characteristics. That’s how you get “the blond and the brunette” or “The taller woman and the shorter woman.”

But that isn’t very fun to read. It reads rough, if that makes any sense, and comes across as unprofessional and unseasoned. There are a variety of ways to differentiate between characters in these scenes, as much of the published m/m romances will attest to.

An example: “James turned to look at Sean and frowned. He was wearing a short sleeved shirt and shorts, despite the below freezing temperature and James wanted nothing more than to throw a sweater at the guy and cover his clearly cold frame with something warm. But he knew that Sean would get weird about it, so he kept his opinions, and his sweater, to himself.”

Now, that isn’t the greatest paragraph in the history of the writing world, but I hope it works as a way to show how you can still use pronouns with two characters of the same sex, without resorting to using their eye color, height, or hair color to define them.

On a more serious note, how you treat sex in your work will determine if I keep reading or not.

I like reading stories where there might be some roughness, but all in fun. Or it might get a bit more serious, like bondage, dominance, BDSM, etc. That’s FINE, especially if I go into the story, knowing that’s what I’m getting. What I DO NOT like is walking into a story and suddenly it’s a rape fantasy.

I recently finished reading a book where the heroine had been attacked (raped, beaten, left for dead) and had lost her memory. She was discovered by her family three years later and comes back to them, not remembering any of them, including her husband. Instead of understanding that she had undergone great trauma and didn’t remember who they were, the husband decided that he was ENTITLED to her body because they were married and despite the fact that she repeatedly said no, he was going to continue to attempt (and actually achieve) having sex with her.

It was not sexy, it was not fun or cute, and it was not an enjoyable read. I DESPISED this “hero” character and was incredibly upset when the heroine finally gave in to his advances and suddenly, all of her rape induced trauma was suddenly cured.

I felt like this story was disrespectful of anyone who had actually been raped and it failed to understand the kind of mindset that would happen to a person if they had actually undergone that experience. Plus, the story was buying into and promoting rape culture, which is just disgusting and disturbing. That’s the kind of thing that will make me stop reading your stuff.

How do you translate that into something that you can use as a writer?

Be mindful.

What the hell does that mean?

Have someone else read your stuff. Find someone you know who is really good at the grammar/spelling/punctuation to read through with a red pen and fix any mistakes that you have. No one is perfect and no one catches all their own mistakes. Our brains will correct things for us, making us see what should be there, as opposed to what actually is there, which means that if you don’t get a second set of eyes to look at your work, you could be posting or publishing with easily correctable mistakes and you’ll look like a giant toolbox.

Read a lot of books and stories. Read stories by other people, in different styles and voices, to find out how other people have tackled the same problems that you are facing. I’m not even talking about plots, but in the way that they craft a sentence, the way that they use words to describe places, people, and things.

There are a lot of great ways to do things and you may not have run across them all yet in your writing life. Explore and experience so you can better your own work.

Do research. If you are writing about a subject or situation that might be triggering to someone, like rape or murder or cancer, don’t wing it. There is a lot of research about the effects of rape on the body and on the mind. Same is true for victims of violent crimes, survivors of murder attempts or the remaining families of murder victims. Ditto for cancer. Honor those who have truly gone through these events and get it right. It doesn’t take that much more effort and those who read your work will appreciate what you’ve done to create the most accurate portrayal of those events.

That goes hand in hand with respect. Respect the situation and get it right. There are many people who participate in the BDSM lifestyle. That does not mean that they eroticize rape or torture. If you think that, you have NOT done your research and you need to stop right now and read some books. Hell, you are clearly on the internet- find some message boards, read some blogs and LEARN.

What this all boils down to is DO NOT BE IGNORANT. It will show and you will look like an idiot. You don’t want to look stupid and no one wants to read works that come off as stupid.

Be careful, do the leg work, and reap the rewards. Trust me, the time is worth it.

One of the things that I think might apply to me is that I try to write stories before they’re ready.

What does that mean?

For me, it means that I get an idea that I think is pretty great. I get all excited about it and I want to start writing right away. But some story ideas need to percolate for a while. They need to simmer and stew and get all the flavors flowing before they should be eaten, er, I mean written. And I think that I jump the gun. So instead of flavorful, tasty stew, I get kind of runny meat water with undercooked veggies.

Not good.

So, one of my writing resolutions for the new year is to try and let the ideas sit for a bit. Especially the new ideas that I get in the shower, or in the car, or while riding in the elevator at work.

One of the other issues that I think I have is that I get bored. Why? It’s my story- can’t I skip the boring parts?

The problem here is that I think I need the boring parts. I’ve convinced myself that I need certain scenes to tell my story and when I try to write them, I get bogged down in the minutia of the scene. I get stuck with all the little details that just don’t get me excited and I stop wanting to write them.

Which should tell me, if I were willing to listen, that those scenes are boring. If I don’t want to write them, who in the hell wants to read them? I convinced myself a long time ago that I was a plotter and that I needed to plot out every story, get all my scenes lined up, and stick to the plan. But I think I forget to give myself room for change. I don’t have a contingency plan, in essence, which is a problem, because I need to learn to not be so fenced in by what I think I need so that I keep myself from doing what I really need.

Which leads me to another problem. I think I have unreasonable expectations for myself. I have unreasonable expectations about how quickly I should be writing, how quickly the pages should be flowing, and how easy it all should be coming to me, especially if I have outlined the thing out.

The problem with that expectation is that writing doesn’t work that way. I’ve had long discussions recently with a good writing buddy of mine about how writing works and we’ve both debunked the myth of the muse. No one is whispering the story into your ear. There isn’t a separate entity speaking to you, telling you what to write. All those little bursts of genius that blast out onto the page as you write come from you, even if you don’t realize it at the time.

Your brain has been pondering this story that you’re telling and it’s been knocking things around for you while you wash dishes, watch the latest episode of Castle, or even sleep. Your brain is trying to work out the problems that are keeping you from getting the words on the page, like a background program running on a computer, and when your brain thinks it has it figured out, it will push the solution to the forefront of your mind.

It’s not an external force, it’s an internal force. I think it’s a bit of a crutch to blame writer’s block on something like “the muse taking a break” or “the ladies in the basement stepping out for a smoke.” I think that’s cheating and it’s not taking agency of your own work and your own writing.

However, once you do take ownership of your brain and accept that the words coming through your fingers to the page are your own, then you have to accept both the failures and the successes. Sometimes they are both hard to deal with.

Back to my expectations, I tend to write very quickly once I sit down and actually do it. I can pound out 1000 works in less than 30 minutes and have done so many, many times. My brain, then, expects that from me and I allow myself to take breaks when I shouldn’t because I tell myself that when I do sit down to write, I’ll hammer out 4-5k in one sitting and be done with it.

How often do you think that’s happened for me recently?

In the past three months, it has happened ONCE. That’s right, ONCE.

I signed up for the Get Your Words Out challenge, pledging 350k for the year. I have yet to hit 100k. For all my talk about being able to pound out the words, clearly I haven’t done it.

Yet again, I don’t have a submission to the Golden Heart. I don’t have a finished submission for the editor who asked for one, and the only writing that I’ve come close to completing is fan fiction.

Clearly, I am my own worst enemy here.

I think I’ve done a lot of talking about what I’m going to do. How I’m going to fix myself. And I’ve tried things for a few days but I have to be honest. I am just as much EPIC FAIL as a writer today as I was a year ago. Possibly even more so.

Which leads me to my next problem. I have too many ideas and too many projects started. When one gets hard and the writing becomes real work, my brain wants to jump tracks and start working on something different. Maybe that’s what I should be doing. Maybe, if the words are flowing, I should just let them and get it all out on the page.

Maybe my fighting to stick to one thing is part of what’s hurting me. Or maybe it’s not. Maybe my writing ADD is keeping me from completing a project by not allowing me to maintain focus.

All I know is that I want to be a professional, published author, and to do that I need to get something done. That something needs to be a project that I can sell to someone, anyone, and it needs to be well written, the correct word count, and in my own voice.

I need to stop biting off more than I can chew and be more realistic about what I will do, not just what I am capable of actually accomplishing.

As we wind down 2011 and get into resolution season, I need to be honest and fair to myself and set some goals that I will actually achieve this year so I can start to re-build my confidence, as well as start to get myself to the point where I can consider myself a professional. That may be harder than I’d like to believe it is.

 1) I was in Beverly Hills a while back, to see the doctor, I had to park in one of the public parking structures.  As I was pulling out in The Falcon (my Jeep), I passed Michael T. Weiss in his car.  He was making a turn, and he slowed down to do so, so I got a great view of his face.  He still looks good, which was awesome.  I LOVED him on The Pretender and it makes me sad that he’s been playing bad guys recently.

And not too long after I saw the guy, he shows up on Burn Notice!  It was great to see Michael T. Weiss and Jeffrey Donovan together again.  I was inspired to look up the show and see just how many episodes Donovan was in, as Kyle, Jared’s messed up brother.  I was shocked to see that it was only three TOTAL episodes!  He must have been mentioned more than that, for him to have been as pervasive in my memory as he is.  Or he was just that awesome.

2) A friend forwarded me an e-mail about this writing program called Skyword.  Skyword hooks writers up with different websites that are looking for content and they pay you based on hit counts for each article that you write.

I applied to write for gather.com and I was chosen to write for the news and political channels of the site.  I’m really enjoying it- I pick my own topics, do my own research and then submit my articles to be published on the site.  They have editors that read for content and they do edit articles as needed, which is a great service. 

I’ve already started to make money, although it’s a very small amount at this point.  But cash is cash, and it spends.  This is the first time I have ever been paid for my work.  Woo!

If you are interested in writing for the same program, check it out here.

Some of my currently posted articles are here:

a) Black Valedictorian Forced to Share Honor with White Student

b) Married Lesbian Couple Save 40 Teens from Norway Killing Spree

c) Murder of Gay Student Ends in Mistrial

d) After 66 Years, Nazi Secretary Reveals All

e) New Jersey Bullying Legislation Hits Hard

f) West Memphis 3 Released After 18 Years

3) Keep Calm and Finish Your Damn Book

Beth and Deb linked me to this post, via twitter, and it hit so many buttons for me, it isn’t even funny.

First, I love the art.  It reminds me of Hyperbole and a Half, which is awesome, and the actual content just really speaks to me. 

I mean, I am that person.  I freak out about all the people that are better/wittier/funnier/darker than I am and that have great books out there, getting read and possibly sold by a major publisher.

In fandom, I always get sad when my stories don’t get the kinds of comments that other stories do, some that aren’t as good as mine but get a billionty more comments.  And I wonder if people just don’t like me, like you do.  Or if I’m that uncool kid that people just put up with because it’s the internets and you can’t really kick people out until they become REALLY creepy or crazy or dangerous.  Am I that girl that you went to school with that had the terrible hair and smelled like peas? 

And then I wonder if it IS, in fact, the content of my work that just isn’t getting the response that I want.  If my stories are okay but not good, even if they aren’t BAD.

As an aside, I had a story that was due for a fannish challenge and I knew that I had to get it done, as it was for someone else and I would be gifted with a story of my own.  You never want to be that asshat that DOESN’T meet the deadline, okay?  And I thought I had a good story but I asked an amazing friend to beta read the thing for me.  She’s totally awesome and totally honest and she didn’t like it.  Like, at all.  So I had to break it down and really try to find what the story was I was actually trying to tell.  In the end, I had a much better story that I actually really loved.  I still did not get the kinds of comments that I was expected, based on the fandom and the characters involved.  My ego is ridiculous, okay?  I get that.  But man, I just wish I could write a story that not only connected with ME but connected with everyone else.

And that’s what I think this post is really about.  I question my worth as a writer based on the feedback from other people (or the distinct lack thereof).  I also question my worth based on my own comparison of my work/blog/twitter/facebook to that of other people, just like the blog talks about.  I psych myself out, creating all this doubt that doesn’t need to be there. 

What is the answer here?  The answer is just write the damn book.  Just tell the story the way I want to tell it, the way that I see it in my head, and just get it on the page.  Don’t worry about what other people will think about that paragraph or that character turn.  Don’t get caught up in all the peripheral stuff, like blogs and twitter and stuff.  Just focus on the work.  Because in the end, that’s all you have to stand on and it will have to be enough.  Make sure that the focus is on the work and just get it done.

That’s what I’m taking away from the post.

4) Speaking of Keep Calm and Finish Your Damn Book…

I’m trying to get my edits done on The Drake submission so I can send it out.  I’m struggling with too much information.  I’ve been thinking about the problems with the story and how to fix them for months and now that I need to actually sit down and pound out the fixes, I’ve got almost too much information pouring into my brain.

I need to rework the synopsis- crap, I have one, that I can just edit.  Maybe.  Or maybe it would be better to just start from scratch.  Ack!

Add to that, I need to update my first three chapters to incorporate the changes that I am making in the synopsis.  Let’s be clear- the changes are important, if only because they will help make the story not suck.

I feel both empowered, mostly because when I do have ideas hit me, they are pretty good and I am making a lot of fixes, but also like my hands and feet are tied.  When I sit down to actually type out the new words, I freeze up and I don’t know why.

Am I intimated by the amount of work this will require?  Am I afraid of getting it wrong?  I have no idea, I just know that I need to get my act together and get these pages out so that I don’t miss out on this opportunity.

5) My Kindle.

I love my Kindle.  I take it with me almost everywhere and I can read anything I want without anyone commenting on the cover, because I don’t have a cover.  I also am saving myself a ton of paper and ink costs by putting fanfic on my Kindle instead of printing it out to read away from the computer.

In fact, fanfic is what I use the Kindle for more than anything else.

Since my husband has been out of work for 1 year and 9 months (aside:  he was recently hired to work for a great place here in LA and starts on 9/15.  Another post to follow regarding this!) one of the things we’ve cut out is the book buying.  Granted, I do get amazon.com gift cards and can use those but I am pretty picky about what I pick up, because I know that my budget is so limited.  So, I’ve been very slow to add actual published novels to my device.  I have a lot of free stuff and a lot of samples of what amazon.com has available, but not a lot of purchases.  To be very clear, I do not pirate e-books.  It never does, as they say, to shit where you eat.

But the fanfic?  Oh, HELL yeah.  Lots of it.  And I’ve been collecting some of my favorite stories for re-reads and getting all the long Big Bang stories downloaded so I can read them at lunch, at work.  It’s the perfect little device for the avid reader of all types.

If you think you are interested in a Kindle but are concerned about the various format issues, be sure to download the program Calibre. 

Calibre is a FREE program that will help you manage your various e-books, files, etc.  Calibre can also convert files to other formats for better reading.  For example, I have a number of pdf files that I have converted to Kindle format (modi).  I have also purchased e-books from non-amazon.com sites that only offer pdf or epub formats and have converted those to Kindle as well, using Calibre.  I love it.  

And for all you fanfic readers out there, if you get your fix from An Archive of Our Own (AO3), you can download works in all e-book formats, including Kindle, so you won’t need to convert, just click and save.  Just another reason that the site is so amazing.

6) My short story.

I had submitted a story to an anthology and it was not accepted by that anthology.  Which is okay.  Not everything is for everyone.

But I submitted the piece to my crit group and it didn’t get that great of a response from them, either.

So, that is a sign that the stupid thing needs a lot of work.  On the plus side, now that I’m not writing it to fit into specific parameters, I can increase the word count and make positive changes without worrying if I am working outside the theme of the anthology.

The downside is that my husband really liked the story.  He was my beta reader and he was the one that suggested the current ending.  Apparently, my crit partners felt like it wasn’t a complete story, instead of an ending the implied additional action after the story was technically over.  That is not good.

I’m wondering if their reaction to it is based on reading preference.  They prefer the romance genre, that demands a HEA, and the husband prefers to read sci-fi and fantasy stories, that can be ambiguous and possibly sad or tragic.  That’s a different audience and one story would create very different reactions from both types of readers.

I am not discounting any feedback on this one- I am taking everything into account, including that it’s currently in present tense but it might work better in past tense.  This is something worth exploring.  I do have some experience in changing the tense, as I did with First Lady and the Dead Presidents.

I need to make the ending really pop, so that even if I don’t write in all the action that I thought I was implying before, than at least the reader would have a better understanding of what actions was supposed to be happening, as opposed to thinking that the story wasn’t even complete.  *sigh*

A lot of work, but worth it.  I love the characters, I love the world, and I want to see this in print somewhere other than my computer screen.  My plan, after I take it apart and rebuild her, is to send it to one of the guys that rejected the story from the anthology and see what they think about it after the overhaul.  If he’s willing. 

I will report back as things happen!

I made the choice to go with the INSANE goal (that’s what they call it there, just FYI) of 350,000 words in one year.  I did the same thing last year and missed it by a mile but it was fun giving it a try.

I think this year, I planned more rolling in to the year but I have been less effective and less productive in my writing.  I think there are a number of reasons for this but the reality of the situation is that I have not put in the writing time to be on track to meet my goal.

On the left side of this page, you can see my progress meters.  I set goals for each month and for the year, and I have yet to meet a monthly goal even ONCE.  Which is a bit disheartening.

This month, I set the goal as the number of words I would need to write to catch up to where I should be, had I been on track for the previous 7 months.  This may seem self-defeating but what I wanted to do was to see how big of a chunk I could take out of that massive number if I just kept at it.  I may not get to the top of the mountain, but how far did I climb before I had to stop?

I am currently only at 13% of my annual goal, so I need to get moving.  I would love to hit 50% of that goal by the end of September, if not before, so I’m trying to figure out what kind of plan I would need to enact to hit that bar.

Next month, EVA is running their annual “Beat Janet” contest.  The goal is to write more words than published author (and EVA member) Janet Tronstad.  The person who beats her by the most words wins a prize.  I think I will set a more reasonable word count goal for my sidebar in September, with the hope that the drive to both beat Janet and that stupid bar will get me really revved up and writing.

This past week has been great.  I met up with one of my FAVORITE fanfic writers ever, in person, and was inspired to write just by sheer proximity to her brilliance.  I attended both the monthly OCC meeting and the annual EVA retreat at Monrovia Canyon Park.  Both events got my writing brain really working hard (my husband swears he can smell the smoke!).

On top of all that, I am working hard to finish my edits for my submission to an editor and my Apocalyptothon story was due on 08/13, with any and all final edits due by 08/20.  I’ve been pounding out the words on so many different things.

And you might be saying, but Alison?  Can you really be effective if you are bouncing from project to project?

What I have discovered about myself (and this may only apply to me, btw) is that if I try to force myself to only work on one project, I end up freezing my brain and really struggling to write anything on that project.  However, if I let myself just write whatever happens to pop into my head, for any of my many projects, the muse just starts talking about everything and suddenly I am putting numbers up on the board like I’m Michael Jordan or something.

I asked my fanfic author buddy for a prompt and she gave me one that is really outside of my wheelhouse.  But I think I can make it work, so I’m doing research (seriously, the lengths people go for good fanfic is insane) and I have plotted out and even outlined what I want this story to do/be/etc.  I’m still a bit intimidated by the prompt itself- she wants the story set in the Regency period, in a nod to the romance novels we were discussing all weekend.  I don’t write or even READ Regency, so this should be fun.

I am good friends with a published Regency author (more than one, actually) so I have some great resources to help out, should I decide that I need it. 

But Alison, you ask again, shouldn’t you be working on your requested submission?

I am, my darlings!  I got more done this past weekend on that submission than anything I had accomplished in the months prior.  Don’t fret or fear for me, it will get done and it will be awesome!

The short story that I submitted at the end of June to the Dead Robots Society anthology was rejected, but very kindly.  I knew that it was a bit different and that it might not be exactly what they were looking for, but I had a great time writing it.  On top of that, I had my husband edit the piece and he really liked it.  His suggestions were fantastic and I don’t think the ending would have worked as well as it does if it weren’t for him.

I was told by the DRS peeps that I should keep working/polishing the story and I should be able to find a home for it somewhere, which was kind of them to say but I’m not sure of that was a platitude or an honest assessment of my story.  Either way, I like the damn thing and I will continue to work on it and see if I can’t make it both better and sellable over the next few months.

This is actually my second rejection.  I submitted two short stories to an online magazine that I can’t even remember the name of off the top of my head, and those were rejected.  They were nice about it, but a bit slow based on when the issue I was submitting to was to be published and released.  Whatever, they didn’t want my stuff and that’s okay.  I got my first rejection and it was pretty painless.

The Dead Robots Society rejection letter was, as I said, very kind and after much reflection, not that surprising.  However, I had placed a lot of hopes on that story and was disappointed that it didn’t make the cut.  But it’s the second rejection letter to add to my spike.

(If you have never read Stephen King’s On Writing, please do so.  He discusses getting a railroad spike, where he would stack up his rejection letters as they came in.  He swore that he would stop writing when the spike was completely full of rejections.  Clearly, that never happened.  I find the story inspiring, esp. for the aspiring writer.  You will get rejected a LOT, even if you are Stephen King (and prob. Nora Roberts, too) so you have to stick with it for a long time.  You also have to draw your line in the sand- when will enough be enough?  For some people, never.  But for SK, it was the end of the railroad spike, which is just SO FITTING.)

I feel all excited and energized at the moment- hopefully I can keep this momentum going as we make our way through the rest of August!

There is all this shock, disappointment and complaining about the end of the episode “Orpheus Descending”, about how nothing was answered and only more questions were asked.

(There are vague spoilers below for The Killing.  Here be dragons, enter at your own risk.)

Like the end of a season of The X-Files.  My surprise here wasn’t that they screwed with us, that they revealed a traitor and that the killer may not actually be the killer (at least the evidence that linked him to the crime was faked) and so on- my surprise was that they spent a lot of time and money asking “Who killed Rosie Larsen?”, promising to tell us, and then they DIDN’T.

Look, I get that the show wanted to do something different.  They didn’t want to be CSI or NCIS or Law & Order or Homicide: Life on the Street (although why they WOULDN’T want to be H:LotS, I have no idea- that show was my JAM)- they wanted to avoid the one hour procedural and really make the case dense and twisted and not easy for the audience to figure out.

Ignoring for the moment that there are some people who watch mystery/murder/procedurals because they LIKE guessing the end, the writers and producers of The Killing could have done a lot with the premise that they set out with.  A young girl, Rosie Larsen, is murdered, drowned in the trunk of a car used by the campaign of a mayoral candidate inSeattle.  Sounds pretty good, right?  Lots of suspects, lots of twists and turns, lots of ways to really work this case right.  And tons of ways to screw it up, if the aftermath reviews of the show are anything to go by.

The promise that we are given, based on both the genre of the story that is being told and by the network’s own advertising blitz, is that we will, in fact, find out who killed Rosie Larsen.  It’s a mystery.  We put in the time, watching the detectives find clues and then we get an answer.  Even The X-Files, which was a show notorious for not giving viewers an official, “we could take this to court, it’s so solid” ending, they at least let the viewers in on the gag from time to time.  Mulder and Scully didn’t see it, but YOU did and now YOU know the truth.

When you make a promise to your viewers or your readers, you are expected to fulfill that promise.  If you do not, you risk losing those viewers or readers for future episodes or projects.  Failing to deliver on the premise can feel like a manipulation, like a lie, and people do not like to be manipulated or lied to.

Now, there are shows that break the rules.  Shows that take a convention for a genre and they twist it.  But the thing about breaking or twisting the rules is that you have to start with what the rules dictate first and go on from there.  One of the reasons that Christopher Nolan’s Memento worked so well was that he really, truly understood story structure and how to craft a linear tale.  He had a tight story down on paper and then he was able to manipulate the order in which he revealed the story to the viewer, making his movie a one-of-a-kind watching experience.  The DVD of Memento allows you to watch the film as it was released or in linear order.  Both versions of the film make sense.  That is how you know that the writing works, that the skeleton of the story is sound.

There are shows that have great twists.  The secret to a great twist is that while it might at FIRST seem like a lie or a manipulation, it isn’t actually either of those things.  Look at a story like The Sixth Sense.  The reason that the twist ending works is that once you know the secret, it makes perfect sense.  You can go back and re-watch the film and all the clues are there, you just didn’t know what you were looking at.  You didn’t have the dictionary, so you couldn’t translate the text.  Once you do, it’s all there, very clearly laid out, and you don’t feel manipulated, you feel let in on the secret.

And that’s what you want.  You want the reader to feel that they have been let into a different world, where the rules have been changed and suddenly nothing is as it seems.  You want them to get excited to know more.  You want them to go back over the text you have provided previously (past episodes, previous chapters, etc.) looking for the clues that would have given it away if they had known what they were seeing and you want them to FIND those moments.  If you don’t give your reader or your viewer that opportunity, you will lose them.  You do not want to earn a reputation as a liar, as someone who is willing to screw the viewer over for a cheap, flashy moment.

When I was in college, I took a comparative literature class on detective stories.  The rules for a good detective story are very simple.  Give the reader everything they need to solve the case but don’t let them know that’s what they’ve been given.  Never end the story in such a way that the reader can’t go back and figure out how you did it.  The detective can never find things out off page and then reveal it later, when laying out the whos and the whats of the story.  That’s cheating and readers don’t like it.  You have to be upfront and honest, even if you hide that behind a few smoke and mirrors that can be easily seen through later in the book.

The Killing is failing in a number of ways.  They’re keeping information away from us so that we can’t solve the crime on our own.  They aren’t giving us much in the way of character commentary, especially on the part of our investigators.  We don’t get very many externally expressed theories or ideas based on the clues.  The stuff we get generally precedes the reveal of a red herring or some action that is later revealed to be a mistake.

We aren’t getting to know the characters well enough.  I don’t give a shit about any of them, except maybe Rosie Larsen’s parents.  And that’s mostly because Brent Sexton was Bobby on NBC’s late, great Life.  So, if you aren’t giving me enough of the mystery and you aren’t giving me enough character work, what’s left?  The setting?  Rainy, dreary Seattle?  Give me a break.  If I want to watch a lot of that weather, I’ll just pop in my Supernatural DVD set or stream some X-Files or Vampire Diaries on Netflix.

What they had going for them was the mystery.  It was intriguing, it was deep and dark and dangerous, and a young girl’s death was waiting to be accounted for.  What I had hoped they would do, once I heard that there was going to be a second season, was what Life did.  They solved one mystery but in the solving, they revealed a larger, deeper mystery that drove the story into season 2. 

It was satisfying because, as a viewer, you hate to get strung along and by giving us an answer to the question they’ve been pounding away at for 22 episodes, it feels good to watch.  But by presenting a new mystery, you give the viewer a reason to come back for the next installment.  And because the viewer knows they were given an answer before, it will be easier to keep them around for mystery #2, as the viewer trusts that they will eventually find out just what’s going on.

AMC could have revealed who really killed Rosie Larsen.  They could have let the viewer in on the secret even if the detectives did not know the answer.  They could have had the detectives solve the crime but uncover an even more sinister plot, one that will require yet another season to dig through.  They could have but they didn’t and, sadly, that makes me less likely to return to the series when it comes back to cable next year.

Remember their mistakes, dear reader, and consider them when crafting your own stories and series.  Remember that people who pay money for your product don’t want to feel cheated or lied to.  They want to feel satisfied at the end, no matter what the twist is.  You don’t have to give us a happy ending, you just have to give us an ending that makes sense based on what has come before.  It can be difficult to do so, yes, but it is worth the effort when you get loyal fans/readers coming back, time and again, to read your work.

I was on vacation at the time, so it’s taken me longer to get to my own score sheets and to my responses to the judges comments.

I was not a finalist, sadly.  The bar was incredibly high this year.  The highest possible score a person could get was 165 and to be a finalist, you needed an average score of over 156.

Yeah, you read the correctly.  Over 156.

My average score was a 125.  Boo.

The contest is pretty cool.  The first round judges are all published.  FIRST ROUND.  ALL PUBLISHED.  So the feedback is pretty great, even if you don’t get to the next level.  It also allows for a lot more pages than other contests- a total of 55 pages, including a synopsis of no more than 6 pages- which means the judges get a much stronger feel for your world, your characters and your story.

My scores were pretty interesting. 

As a refresher, First Lady and the Dead Presidents is technically women’s fiction.  It has romantic elements but it is not a romance, per se.  My heroine, McKinley, is forced to return home toOhio from her TV writing job in LA to deal with the death of her estranged father.  She thinks that she can just fly in, bury him, and get out.  But some insane sisters, a booby trapped will and a hunky bartender/electrician with dreamy eyes make an easy escape not an option.  Can she get back to her life and, more to the point, does she even want to?

The story is not a strict romance.  I want the focus to be more on the family story, as opposed to the romance, so I would classify this as women’s fiction as opposed to romance.  The story is in first person and is a present tense novel.  (I would like to point out that while one judge did not like the first person, not a single one mentioned the present tense.)

So, here we go:

JUDGE 1 – Score of 143

HERO (11/15): This judge didn’t have a very strong feel for my hero.  I’m not surprised, to be honest.  As the romance isn’t the main focus, he doesn’t get introduced until later in the story and then it’s pretty brief.  I’m debating on introducing him earlier but I’m concerned about shifting the focus from the family dynamic to the romantic.  But we’ll see how things go as the story progresses.

HEROINE (13/15): The judge did, however, seem to like McKinley.  Mac has a pretty awesome sense of humor that the judge appreciated, so that’s a plus.

RELATIONSHIPS (12/15): The supporting cast in the novel gets big thumbs up here as well- I was pretty happy about that.  This judge loved Grams and the boys, so yay for my supporting cast! 

BACKGROUND (15/15): She loved the background information that was presented here- a perfect score in that category.  Woo!

DIALOGUE/NARRATIVE (17/20): This judge liked my dialogue but felt that there was perhaps a bit too much inner dialogue.  Now, this story is an EXTREMELY deep first person narrative, so you’re going to get that.  The question I have to ask myself is, do I use it too much?  Is it a crutch?  Should I trim it back and go more external to get the biggest bang for my buck?  All things to keep in mind as I move forward.

STORY DEVELOPMENT (20/25): The story development, according to this judge, needs to be tightened.  I agree here- I tend to ramble a bit and this isn’t the first time that this criticism has been lobbed at this particular piece.  So, I am aware and will look into compressing everything into a tighter package.  But the judge liked the idea of the half sisters coming together- that dad’s plan wasn’t so crazy after all.  And that, my friend, is EXACTLY what I want and need in a reader.

WRITING TECHNIQUES (12/15): In this section, the judge mentioned that they wanted to read more, so that was awesome!  Always good to know that the judge would have read more if more pages had been there, so even though I did lose points in this section, I’m taking this as a win. 

MECHANICS (20/20): Got a perfect score here re: spelling/grammar.  Keep this in mind- it will come up later.  *sigh*

SYNOPSIS (23/25): The judge liked the synopsis- plenty of conflict, they said- and had a great suggestion for the story as a whole in her comments here- she wants Mac to continue to write.  Her comment was that it takes a lot of hard work and talent to get staffed on a TV show, so it would be a terrible shame if Mac stopped writing entirely.  I agree and I am thinking up ways to work writing in to her eventual happy ending.

There were no comments in the text but the judge did mention wanting to read the entire manuscript when it was completed.  Score!

Judge 2 – Score of 135

HERO (11/15):  This judge felt that my hero needed something more to make him unique.  Kind of similar to the first judge, so I totally will keep this in mind as I craft his character and revise my pages.

HEROINE (15/15): This judge LOVED McKinley, as you can see from the perfect score here.  I am so glad that she resonated with this reader and hope that will be true about other readers as well.  I was told that Mac was well-drawn, so big woo-hoos from me over here.

RELATIONSHIPS (14/15): This judge felt that the relationships were well set up.  Again, I’m a happy camper. 

BACKGROUND (13/15): This judge felt that the details and the world were very authentic.  I’ve heard this a lot- that people who read my description of the locations have a very strong sense of being there, which is a huge complement.  I work hard to find those little details that will make things pop.  It is very fulfilling to know that the work is being noticed and appreciated.  If I may toot my own horn a bit here.  Heh.

DIALOGUE/NARRATIVE (15/20): This judge felt that while the dialogue sounded very natural, the voices weren’t as individual as they could be.  My crit partner mentioned that Mac has a VERY strong voice with a very specific style of speaking.  I need to be careful and be sure that not everyone speaks the same way.  I also suffer a bit from Joss Whedon syndrome, in that I love a certain style and think it’s fun to write so many of my characters have very similar ways of speaking.  I need to control that and make sure that every voice is unique and individual.

STORY DEVELOPMENT (15/25): This judge, like the one above, thinks that the action needs to be tightened.  The hero and heroine don’t meet until chapter 4, which in straight romance is a sin.  I have to seriously consider this, as I am not writing a straight romance and yet, I need the romantic element to be exciting and fulfilling, as opposed to simply being a space filler on the page. 

And here’s the other element- this judge doesn’t think much of my hero, as well as thinks the action starts too late.  I need to amp up both elements if I want any hope of keeping this person as a reader.  Great comments here.

WRITING TECHNIQUES (11/15): This is one of my favorite comments.  I was told that I have a very strong, hard-boiled voice (which is AWESOME).  The downside is that the judge felt that it might not be all that well suited for writing a family story/women’s fiction.  I have a few ideas on how to fix that.  Mac writes for a crime drama on television.  If she thinks like she writes, that could make her and the story a much more interesting read.  And I don’t think that I would need to make too many changes to get this to work well on the page. 

I got hit here for all the clichés in the story.  I kind of like them but a NUMBER of readers have dinged me for them, some very harshly.  I felt that using clichés in that way was a part of who Mac is and how she thinks/speaks.  But apparently, it really bothers some people so I will either need to trim them down or find more unique/original clichés to use instead.  That could really paint who Mac is as a person, as well.  Things to keep in mind, for sure.

MECHANICS (20/20): Got a perfect score here.  Again.  Keep this in mind.  Seriously. 

SYNOPSIS (21/25): I need to bring the main conflict  into focus sooner.  A very simple but appropriate comment and one that I will take into consideration on the next run at the synopsis.

No notes in the text.

Judge 3 – Score of 96 (!!!!!!)

HERO (7/15):  I’m not sure what to make of the comments here.  The judge mentions that we don’t see the hero and I don’t know if that means that we don’t spend very  much time with him or if they didn’t understand that Carter was the hero.  Either way, I got hit pretty hard here.

HEROINE (9/15): This judge did NOT like McKinley.  Apparently, Mac isn’t likeable.  There weren’t any examples cited, so that I could really dig into this, and there wasn’t any real explanation so I don’t really have any idea what I would need to change to make this judge happy.  Okay, then.

RELATIONSHIPS (9/15): This category is where I realized that this judge was simply not onboard with the story, in any way.  I was hit, big time, for too much telling and not showing.  But the nature of the beast here is that McKinley is speaking directly to the reader- my crit partners have described it as sitting with a good friend over coffee as she tells you a story.  Almost conversational.  So, not your normal romance novel and it’s even a bit odd for women’s fiction/chick lit.  But I’ve gotten loads of feedback that people like it.

Not this judge, however.  I think that this judge just didn’t understand what I was doing and is trying to apply rules to this manuscript that don’t apply. 

BACKGROUND (11/15): This judge liked my descriptions of the small town. For some reason, this judge didn’t think that the information and secondary characters presented supported the story, as opposed to intruding.

DIALOGUE/NARRATIVE (16/20): No comments here.  I would like to have known what this judge did or didn’t like about the dialogue to get me 4 points off but that’s okay.

STORY DEVELOPMENT (13/25): The judge hits on what the other two did- that the story starts a little late.  This judge gets a bit more specific, discussing how the story really comes alive during the bar scene.

WRITING TECHNIQUES (8/15): Here’s where I’m a bit unsure.  The judge’s comments are that the story is lacking in emotion, that there is a lot of TELLING about the emotions but not very much SHOWING.  I don’t even know, you guys.  The judge felt that Mac was too numb here, and I’ll grant you that she has her numb moments, but there are loads of places where that numb façade cracks. 

Questions for myself here are did I not express those moments clearly enough?  Was I too vague?  Am I dealing with these emotions on too high of a level, meaning that some people have a difficult time comprehending?    

MECHANICS (8/20): I got docked 12 points here.  12.  And in the notes, the judge makes a MAJOR grammatical/spelling error whilst telling me that I need to use my spelling and grammar check.  Christy Finn tells me that I shouldn’t quote it directly on the blog and I won’t but if you want to know, just e-mail me and I’ll share.  I find this HILARIOUS and more than a bit infuriating.

I will grant this judge the following- I am only so-so on commas.  And I submitted rather late, so I was unable to get my pages to my grammar Nazi crit partner in time to have her read over it.  So, there were a few place that I should have gotten dinged.  HOWEVER.  I did not have any misspellings.  In fact, two items that this judge corrected in my pages, they corrected improperly. (Fireplace is one word.  Seriously.  ONE.) 

On top of that, there were a few places that this judge determined should be in italics, as they are internal thoughts.  But the ENTIRE PIECE is internal thoughts.  The WHOLE THING.  So there is no need to italicize anything, or you’d be italicizing everything but the dialogue.

Again, this is a major sign telling me that this judge and I are NOT on the same page.  So, taking this with a grain of salt and calming myself down.  *breathes*  Just to be clear, however, a unique voice is NOT always the same thing as bad mechanics.   

SYNOPSIS (15/25): I’m torn here as well.  The judge comments that the synopsis reads more like romance than women’s fiction and I’m not sure that they’re wrong.  I think that I may have focused more on the romance here than on the relationship between the sisters. 

ADDITIONAL NOTES:  This judge strongly suggested that I change the text from first person to third.  Now, look.  I know all about not liking first person.  I personally can’t stand first person if it isn’t done incredibly well (and I can’t believe that I am actually writing a first person story, to be honest), so I understand why this might be hitting this judge as wrong.

However, this story started out as a third person story and that did NOT go so well.  Everyone hated Mac in that version.  They thought she was selfish and bratty and they couldn’t identify with her.  Once I shifted from third to first, everything seemed to click in to place.  I mean, I used the same scenes and the same emotions on the page but got a totally different reaction from my readers.  So, no, not going to change this.

This judge also “complains” that it reads like a YA novel.  I’m curious if this is because it has a much younger voice than a lot of women’s fiction or what.  No examples from the text were given here to make the comments more clear.  *shrugs*

Within the text, this judge made a number of line edits, a number of which actually change the meaning of the sentence in question.  What I am getting here, from the examples these changes present, is that this judge is about following the rules above maintaining the voice of the piece.  This judge also had issues with what they called “incomplete sentences” but what I would refer to as sentence fragments.  They work, in my mind, because we are inside someone’s extremely close first person POV.  It would ruin Mac’s voice in certain places to edit those fragments out.

Again, I come back to the fact that this judge and I are not on the same wavelength here.  While I do feel that some of these comments are useful, there are many others that miss the mark for this particular story by a country mile. 

 Ahem.

What do we learn from all of this? 

When you enter contests, you will get a wide variety of responses to your work.  Some people connect with it, some people do not.  All the responses are valuable, even those that you disagree with. 

I did send thank you notes to all my judges, even Judge 3.  They all took time out of their day to read my pages and to deconstruct them in an attempt to help me out.  That’s really cool and I definitely let them know that I felt that way. 

When I judge contests myself, I try to be as fair as possible and I trust that my judges behaved in the same manner.

I feel like I got a lot out of this contest and will certainly use the suggestions from the judges to make my work a better novel.

I had an editor request pages from me this weekend, after a pitch.  I am very excited at the prospect of submitting and getting a response, good or bad, from a professional.

I started off pitching my current WIP, First Lady and the Dead Presidents, but that project is not in the traditional mold of romance.  It’s more chick lit/women’s fiction, which wasn’t what the editor was looking for right now.  FLatDP is a first person story, which I don’t usually even like to read, much less write myself, but I’ve got a story that my brain is convinced that I need to write so I am.  And it isn’t this editor’s thing, at least right now, but it could be LATER.

So I threw out The Drake, a wild pitch that I hoped would connect and it totally did!  She was interested in the world, the fact that Jack is a shape shifter, and that it’s written as a traditional romance (third person, balance POV with hero and heroine, etc.).

The only problem here is that I haven’t looked at The Drake in over a year.  When I left the story, it had a beginning, a middle, and an end but there were a number of story points that I wasn’t thrilled with.  I’m hoping that I can figure out how to fix those bits so that I can get out a revised synopsis and the first three chapters that were requested, in a timely manner. 

She asked to have them in July, so I think I have a good stretch of time in which to polish and correct.  And all I really need is for her to want to read the whole thing, right? 

After the OCC meeting this weekend, I am under the impression that every book that gets purchased has editing done.  Nothing goes out on the shelf without at least a little nipping and tucking (or implants) here or there.  What they’re looking for is a solid voice and a story that shines, even if it needs a little buff and polish.

That’s not to say that I’m not planning to make this the best synopsis and three pages she’s ever seen.  No, I understand that.  What I really need to remind myself of here is that there is room to maneuver and that I shouldn’t worry myself sick over the whole thing.

My plan for the next week is to re-read the entire manuscript and try to spot the weakest points.  There is a “highlight and flag” method that my girl Christy Finn has used in the past that I need to get more info on, so I can determine where I’m strong, where I’m weak and where I need to shore up the walls to survive the hurricane.

Once I’ve got that done, I’m going to pull out Carol Hughes’ “Deep Story” class notes and really dive in there.  I think that could really help me re-lay the foundation of The Drake and make sure that I have a strong enough world and characters to support the kind of story that I’m telling.

I’ve really been thinking about my plot and I think some of the problems that I was having when I left the story before have been worked out in my head.  I was playing around with the idea of my hero and heroine as soul mates tied together through time, which is something that has come out in my fan fiction in the past as well.  I think its part of my story, so I’m not surprised to see it come up here.

When I say “my story”, I’m referring to the basic story that every storyteller tells.  Steven Spielberg’s stories are about fathers and sons.  JAWS, E.T.: The Extraterrestrial, the Indiana Jones series, Schindler’s List, even Jurassic Park- they’re all about the relationships (or lack thereof) between fathers and their sons. 

Tom Cruise, if you break down his roles to their simplest form, tells the same story from movie to movie as well.  He plays the talented man who has to prove that he deserves his place in the world.  Top Gun, Far and Away, The Firm, even Magnolia has him fighting to prove to someone other than himself that he deserves what he has.  And maybe that’s a part of it- outwardly he’s trying to prove to others that he has earned his place but really, it’s all about him proving it to himself. 

It’s something about us, as individual people that comes out in the tales that we spin and weaves its way through everything we put down on the page.  We all have something that has shaped us as people and we try to work that out in our art/craft. 

I think the idea of soul mates, of being destined to be with someone, is something that comes out in my work.  I might be wrong- I’m a notoriously bad judge of my own work- but I think that’s at least part of my story.  The rest of my story, I think that’s better saved for a different post but I can already tell that The Drake has the potential to really get all of my stories out and on the page in one text.

I’m excited to see what this editor has to say and the prospect of selling to her and her publishing house is just an amazing opportunity.  Here’s to not screwing it up.

Spoilers ahead, in case you are sensitive to that kind of thing.  But I want to talk about story and the proper set up, so I hope you’ll join me.

The show is a quirky procedural, set in California, with a cast of fun, cool characters.  It’s pretty light, for the most part, with a strong vein of humor running through the series despite the fairly dark initial premise.  The reason I bring it up here is that I think the creator and show runners made a serious mistake when plotting out the overarching story of the series.

They forgot that we need to care about the main character’s quest.  What he’s doing and why.  Who it’s for and what does he think he’ll get when it’s all over.  We need to believe that the character MUST complete his quest, that his life could very well be in danger should he choose not to finish his task.  And we need to know that his reasons for feeling that way are strong, rich and meaningful.

He can’t be doing it just because he likes money or because he thinks that it might get him laid.  No, the hero must be making choices on a much grander scale.  LIFE OR DEATH.  REVENGE.  JUSTICE.

The Mentalist, while having a very good opening premise, initially fails to deliver the depth needed to really make the hero’s journey one worth following and rooting for.

Here’s a more in-depth explanation of what’s going on with the show, to make sure everyone’s on the same page.

Patrick Jane, the lead character of The Mentalist, grew up in a carnival and was trained by his father to be a con man.  He was taught to notice little clues (body language, how a person dresses, etc.) to make people think that he could read their minds, their pasts and their futures, as well as learning how to pull clever sleight of hand tricks.  Patrick eventually translated these skills into a career as a professional “psychic”,” speaking” to the dead for money, “seeing” the future and so on.  He became rich by manipulating the wealthy and any other sucker who was willing to fork over the cash.

Eventually, Patrick becomes famous.  He makes TV appearances and does interviews.  There is a serial killer (Red John) afoot and Patrick is asked what he thinks.  On a live television show, Patrick makes a number of biting and quite cruel comments regarding Red John.  Unfortunately, Red John is watching and Patrick’s comments make him very, very angry.  Red John wants to teach Patrick a lesson about pride and about speaking out of turn.

Red John murders Patrick’s wife and young daughter.

Realizing that his hubris inadvertently led to his family’s deaths, Patrick vows to do whatever he can to find Red John and get revenge.  Including quitting the “psychic” gig and using his awesome powers of deduction to help the California Bureau of Investigation (CBI) solve crimes.  By assisting the CBI, Patrick has access to information and resources that could help him catch Red John once and for all.

That’s the premise.  We’ve got a guy who loved his wife and daughter and who lost them due to some poor planning on his part.  He’s at least partially to blame and he knows it.  He’s angry and hurt and he misses them.

It’s a great place to start your main character.

Here’s the problem.

When the show begins, the viewer has no real understanding or knowledge of Jane’s family outside the “standard” societal definitions of what a family is and what all the people in a family mean to each other.  We’re told that he loves his family.  We’re told that he wants to avenge their deaths and we’re shown that he’s sad about the whole situation.  But we don’t really know what any of that means beyond what our culture tells us it means to be a wife, a daughter, a husband and a father.

Put another way, we’re told that Jane’s family is dead and we are to understand that he wants revenge because you don’t just kill a guy’s wife and child.  You just don’t.  It isn’t done, like not wearing white after Labor Day.  There is almost a flippant disregard of the situation, like its some sort of code that all TV viewers will understand as soon as they hear “murdered family”.

“Ah, I see.  His wife is dead.  So is his daughter.  Must mean that he’s going to do some ass kicking and kill the SOB that did it.  Moving on!”

We all use things like this in our stories.  Story elements that stand in for a broader concept or plot point.  A short hand that you are sure your reader will understand because this isn’t your first book and this isn’t their first time as a reader, either.  You all have expectations and your short hand just gives the reader the fastest, easiest way to make sure they have the right peg in the right hole.

It’s fast, east and most importantly, it’s LAZY.

In the case of The Mentalist, there is initially nothing there about who Patrick’s wife was as a person, why they fell in love, if they even were still in love.  Were they fighting when she was killed?  Were they considering having a second child?  What kind of child was the daughter?  Sweet and fair?  Spoiled rotten?

We are given nothing about the PEOPLE that his wife and this daughter were.  And to be frank, we don’t even know their NAMES until the third season.

So why do we care?  Why should we care about this story?

I have to confess, this was one of the major issues that I had with this show.  We’re supposed to follow Patrick on his mission and put up with his douchey and selfish behavior because he has an honorable cause that he is trying to see through.  Avenging one’s family is pretty noble, at least in much of the canon literature of the Western World.  But without any real understanding of what he was fighting to avenge, all those episodes felt hollow.  Lacking, in some way.

It wasn’t until the third season episode “Cackle-Bladder Blood” that we finally get some info on how Patrick and his wife met, how they fell in love and why she truly is the love of his life.  It was like turning on the light in a dark room- everything became clear to me!  Suddenly, I totally got it.

Angela, Patrick’s wife, was his childhood sweetheart.  And they ran away from the carnival together to create a better life for themselves and eventually their daughter, Charlotte.  He was a White Knight who rescued his fair maiden and took her away to a castle where he could keep her safe from all the dragons out in the world.  He adored her, and she him.  They were lovers, they were partners and they were best friends.  And, if the episode was anything to go on, she might have been his only real friend in the whole world.  She WAS his whole world.

And then she was gone.  Not because she chose to leave but because Patrick offended the wrong guy.  And he lost everything.

Everything slid into place for me.  Patrick wasn’t just a guy who had grown too big for his britches and lost some trophy wife and bratty kid.  Patrick was a guy who had truly believed that he had escaped a childhood that he hated and that he had rescued his lady love from the same fate.  He believed he was giving his child the kind of life that neither he nor Angela had ever known, so she would never know the hardships that her parents faced.

And because Patrick couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut, they were killed.  As a lesson to him about his place in the world.

I was so pissed that it took them over two seasons to get this information to me.  That it took so long for the show runners to parcel out enough character work that I actually gave a shit about Patrick and his quest.  I needed to know who he was fighting for, for it to mean anything to me and once I knew, once I got it, I was TOTALLY on board.  I became EPICALLY invested in Patrick finding Red John and making sure Red John knew just how angry Patrick really was.

How does this translate to your writing?

Don’t save the good stuff.

All too often, we hold back on the fun scenes, on the tricks, the emotional reveals and the big moments because we want to save it for later in the book or for the NEXT book in the series.  But you have to give the reader some of the good stuff upfront or why the hell else would they want to stick around and hear the rest of the story?  If you only give them the boring bits or the stuff that doesn’t really matter, you can’t then expect them to wait with baited breath for the next chapter, because they’ll only be expecting more of the same.

Don’t bury the lead, is what I’m saying.

We need to know what the hero and/or heroine is fighting for.  What do they believe in?  What do they think is important enough to put their life on the line for?  Why do they do what they do and who are they doing it for?  If this reason is strong enough and painted with the right brush, you can really engage your reader and get them hooked for each and every page that you’ve written.

So why did I stick around if I was so unsure about Patrick and his reasons?  My husband liked the mystery element, despite Patrick being kind of a giant toolbox, and we enjoyed watching just to see how he would solve the mystery each week.  But there was always something missing for me, something that made the show my second, third or even lower choice when we decided what to watch from the DVR.

If it hadn’t been for the Mister, I would have stopped watching before the end of the first season and I never would have understood just what makes Patrick Jane tick.

As a writer, this is not what you want at all!  You want me drooling for the next installment, waiting in anticipation for the next trick up Patrick’s sleeve or the next devious scheme that Red John is going to pull.  You want me, the reader, practically DYING for Patrick to actually get his revenge and make it really, really hurt.

Give me the reason I should care and I will.  Don’t just tell me, show me.  Really show me.  Go beyond simple shorthand and stereotypical character tricks.  Give me the meat of who your hero or heroine is and you’ll have my attention.

Just be sure to do it sooner, rather than later, or I might not be around for the reveal, when you finally get to it.  Give the reader something to hold on to and they will, as long as you’ll let them.

There has been some talk, some of which I have participated in (and am waiting on responses to determine if my corpse will be burned in effigy by certain fandom peeps), about River Song of Doctor Who fame.  She is a divisive figure, as far as I can tell, in that people either love her or they hate her with the fiery passion of a thousand suns.  Can you guess where I fall there?

The reason that I have for not liking River Song is that she is a big, fat Mary Sue.

For those of you who have not spent any time in a fandom for movies/TV/books, you may be unfamiliar with this term.

Wikipedia defines a Mary Sue as thus:

“A Mary Sue (sometimes just Sue), in fanfiction, is a fictional character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as a wish-fulfillment fantasy for the author or reader. While the label “Mary Sue” itself originates from a parody of this type of character, most characters labeled “Mary Sues” by readers are not intended by authors as such. Male Mary Sues are often dubbed “Gary Stu”, “Larry Stu”, “Marty Stu”, or similar names.

While the term is generally limited to fan-created characters, and its most common usage today occurs within the fan fiction community or in reference to fan fiction, original characters in role-playing games or literary canon are also sometimes criticized as being “Mary Sues” or “canon Sues” if they dominate the spotlight or are too unrealistic or unlikely in other ways. One example of this criticism is Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation.”

Basically, River Song is too perfect.  She’s a wish fulfillment character, probably the self-insertion of one of the writers or producers on the show.  She’s so smart, smug and perfect that she is, at least to me and some others, entirely unwatchable.  I have not jumped back in to Doctor Who this season for the sole reason that I do not like and will not stand for River Song.

Why am I bringing thing up here?

I mention it as a warning to all those writers out there to avoid the dreaded Mary Sue. 

You don’t have to be writing fanfic to end up with a Mary Sue.  River Song and Wesley Crusher are canon characters but they still exhibit characteristics that are signature elements of a Mary Sue.  And if you look back at fandom for Star Trek: The Next Generation, even today, you will see that Wesley was not well liked by most and despised by many.  River Song is working her way to being the same.  I repeat- these are CANON CHARACTERS. 

Bella Swan?  Also a Mary Sue.  Seriously, have you read Breaking Dawn?  No spoilers here but believe me when I tell you, that girl is the QUEEN of Mary Sues.

Translate this warning thusly- if you are not careful about how you craft your characters, you will wind up with someone who is so totally unbelievable that you will lose the audience that you worked so hard to get to buy your book and they will not come back.

People do not want to read about perfect characters.  They just don’t.  They want to read about flawed people who are working through their problems, for better or worse. 

There is a reason why people love Indiana Jones.  He’s brave and skilled with a whip and willing to brave tarantulas and giant boulders but he is terrified of snakes.  He has a flaw and we can relate to that.  On top of that, he doesn’t always win.  He makes mistakes.  He lets his ego get in the way.  He makes bad choices and he, plus others, have to pay for them. 

What he has going for him, however, is plucky resolve.  The determination to get the job done, no matter what it takes.  He has to rescue the girl and he needs to stop the Nazis from getting a hold of the Ark of Covenant- basically, he’s trying to save the world.  Watching Indy is like watching an idealized version of ourselves and while he is braver than most of us will ever be and he does have better luck than any of us will ever have, he still trips up from time to time and we can relate to that.

We can’t relate (or we don’t WANT to relate) to perfect.  It’s annoying, it’s obnoxious and it doesn’t tell us anything about ourselves or the human condition.  And if that’s the case, why are we reading the story?  Even if all you want out of a book is fun, can you honestly say that reading about perfect people running around being perfect is fun?

We want people to see themselves in the characters that we create.  We want to our readers to connect to the humanity that we have put on the page and even if we’re writing about revolutionaries in central China and our reader is a farmer in Ethiopia, we still want that person to see something in our Chinese characters that reminds the reader of themselves.  That’s imperative for our work to matter, to connect and to make people want to read more.

So how do we do that?

1) Flaws

Your character needs flaws.  There need to be elements to your characters that hold them back and keep them from being the best possible person that they can be.  This can be a personality flaw, like hubris, or it can be a physical handicap, like a war injury.  It could be the ruminants of past hurts. 

Your character could be the survivor of a single, horrific event or they could have made it out of a life of abuse and neglect.  Those things carry both a physical and an emotional toll, both of which will give your character depth that makes them more real to the reader.

Flaws don’t have to be dire or dark.  Even in lighter novels, you can have a character with a flaw who isn’t broken.  Arrogance is a flaw, as is pride, sloth- all the big seven.  You just want something that will keep your character from being perfect.

For many romance writers, they craft characters with great physical beauty but who have seriously messed up inner lives.  Readers of these books want to see the hero or heroine find a way through or around those inner flaws so they can hook up with the equally beautiful heroine or hero and live happily ever after.

Can Jack get over his ego to admit that he loves Shelly?  Can Rose accept that she is beautiful and worthy of Jaspar’s affections?

These kinds of flaws make even the most fantasy worthy hunks and babes more real, more human, and easier to connect to on a person-to-person level.  This is what we want, that connection, because it’s what brings the masses back to your writing. 

Nora Roberts is an EXPERT at this- if you haven’t done so already, please check out her Chesapeake Blue series to see what I mean.  

2) Quirks

Quirks are the fun little things that make a character unique and yours, but can also keep them from being completely perfect.

Indy’s quirk is his fear of snakes.  Larry from Numb3rs only eats white food.  Robin () from How I Met Your Mother was a Canadian version of Tiffany .  These elements of these characters make them special, make them stand out but don’t make them perfect.

It’s an aspect of who they are as people that make them seem real to us as viewers. 

We all have quirks.  We all have little things we do, the way we talk with our hands, the little phrases that we use that are unique to us.  The in jokes we have with friends, the style of clothes we wear, even though they’ve been out of style for years. 

One word: mullets.

Again, these are the little things that make us unique and that will give your character some depth and will make them more real.

Great example for this is Abby on NCIS.  Her manner of dress, her music choices, her tattoos, and her cute personality are all quirks that make her singularly unique to television.  She is a very skilled investigator but she worries a lot.  She is bouncy and cute but she sleeps in a coffin.  She is treated like a beloved daughter by Gibbs but can take care of herself (sometimes with a taser) when she has to.  None of these things are flaws but they are all quirks, things that make Abby interesting, unique and someone to keep watching.

Human beings make mistakes.  We drop things, we say the wrong words to people we love, we act on impulse, sometimes out of selfish desires.  We don’t always make the right choices and that is why, when we are reading books or watching movies and TV, that we connect with those characters who have as many (or more) flaws than we do.

Mal Reynolds from Firefly is a great example.  Buffy Summers.    Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

We see ourselves in them and we can relate.  And that’s all people really want, isn’t it?  To relate to others.  To know that we aren’t alone.  To understand that we are imperfect but so is everyone else and in knowing that, we can appreciate the achievements of others, even in fiction. 

Beware the Mary Sue.  You’ll be glad you did.